empowering people to tackle substance use problems
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Sunday evening and my usual injection. Feel like it’s been months. Easy as pie but that’s just the actual injection. I come round with a cotton mouth and unstick myself from the soaked sheets. I ponder on the nightmare I had and how weak I feel as I lumber to the toilet.
Thankful I only need a wee for now. I take my morning meds and make a cup of tea in a haze, much like I’d smoked something I shouldn’t. But with a throbbing headache, paracetamols and liquid help this. I have ulcers in my mouth from being run down and stink from sweat. I’ll sit in in for a while as I can’t do the whole wet thing yet.
This is just a little window into my day. It’s 1 pm and I woke at 10 which is early for Monday. Sunday killed me, church early and lumping music gear about. Getting weird looks when I pant from the shortness of breath side effect and moan cuz I hurt. But I’m not going to explain myself yet again. I slept through the service 0-). Good old drool had to be wiped off when I woke to play out the service (I’m probably snored too, hehe).
Anyway life goes on. I want to play more guitar instead of sleeping and tv. I could do with sticking to a practice regime and an exercise regime. Both wont get done ……
Be happy for yourself – no-one else will be happy for you
Be kind to yourself – non-one else will be kind to you
Don’t lie to yourself – everyone has that covered!
Don’t read any real truth into that, it was just a joke. There are some very kind and good guys out there. They are few and far between but there. Trust me I know quite a few ….I will try to be one too.
Be at peace – on-one else will give you any – Haw Haw.
You are a pretty damn good guy already if you ask me….
All complinments lapped up without shame , i need them LOL ….just basking in the first one and warming up with the big hugs , thanks alot
Mark, like you hinted, just be true to yourself and know what you’re doing is for the right reasons. Though it may be a struggle, the end result will be worth it.
Keep up the good fight!
If I told you that I really dont really bring to mind much these days what was the hardest 6 months of my life you might find it hard to believe. But there it is, in the past and worth every weak sick minute and if I had to I would do it again because of what it does for your mind is priceless.
Only someone who has been through it can truely appreciate it. To stop thinking continually like a walking bio hazard. Not being OCD about using the bathroom, cooking or the slightest cut.
And you know that in all practicality that there are there are only a couple of ways that your likely to pass it on, but the brain can be very cruel.
Stick to it, you got the balls and all the reasons in the world and in a few years there will be times that you forget you ever had it.
Good luck, happy days
thats a great peice of writing mate , I want to thank you and cuss you in one go , I’ll have to have my winge mate im in it and Ive actually got alot from your comments and can’t wait to be free and leaping around with energy if thats how I feel , for now Im hammered and lazy , and blogging a right good winge helps , but its all true .
I promised to blog my treatement, and so I say how it is for me mate – I do worry about re-infecting myself with my own toobrushes when I bleed from the mouth every time I brush , and I worry my son while teehting his secong teeth may stick and old toothbrush of mine in his mouth and get this shit off me ..
I will like to be free of this
Must say there are some posatives but they all lay at the end of the tunnel of crap 0-)) thanks John , I’m looking fowrwd to the life that in the post
… and you will be better!
